Whoa, that was an intense title, but it’s so true. This is a crazy reality for our family over this past year that blogging almost ruined my marriage. Now to an outsider, our house runs like a well oiled machine. We have a very good system that allows my husband and I to run a very tight schedule. However, this last year, that’s what our lives became a system; a well oiled machine. Now, blogging is not the sole responsibility of our downward spiral, but it played a large part in our relationship struggles.
Here is how we got here and why I’m sharing this story. My husband travels for work, not only by plane but drives rather far daily. His travel has been a blessing in that it allows us to travel for minimal cost because of the airline miles he earns. However, with my schedule between yoga, styling and volunteering obligations, we hardly see each other. We high five in the garage as we pass each other, spend the evenings on our computers sitting next to each other until we go to sleep. In addition to all of this, I was struggling with severe periods that made me very irritable and hard to be around. You can see what I did to fix this here.
He was stressed out and unhappy. I spoke up half heartedly about my concerns. He always heard me out and did his best to make changes, but it wasn’t enough. He was still unhappy, I was unhappy. I spent the last year thinking that I didn’t know how we were going to get through this.
So, I found more things to keep me busy, because that’s what I do. I dove deeper into blogging. I took on more trainings, more classes, more blogging events, more job titles. Sat on my computer for hours and days at a time. Telling him and myself, that I needed to do this in order to grow. Literally, the amount of time on Pinterest, Facebook and Instagram was disgusting. Blogging became my safe place. Instead of discussing my problems with him, I worked harder. If you work from home you know how it is, to never stop. So, I avoided everything to blog.
We spent a year, lacking in communication, fighting, and spreading ourselves too thin. In January, we anticipated that he would get a promotion, but he didn’t. That’s when I came to terms that there was no way we would make it. See, we are both over-achievers and perfectionists. We strive to be the best and in my head this hit would be his demise. I spent two days with no sleep, and feeling like I was living in a dream. Come to find out, he was doing the same thing. We both took it really hard.
I decided that I had no choice, but to tell him how bad it was for me. At this point, what did I have to lose? I let it get so bad. We let it get so bad. If he didn’t like what I had to say, it didn’t matter. It was probably over anyway.
That is when the world turned upside down. At 1am I woke him up and told him everything. All this time, in his mind he thought I was done with him, he thought I wanted out. He thought my tendency to fill my schedule and spread myself thin was to avoid him because I didn’t love him anymore. WHAT? Straight mind blown you guys.
Of course, there had been a conversation here and there about our struggles. But, this was our rock bottom and our realization that we can’t just be machines. Life can’t just be high fives as we pass off kid duty and juggled schedules. We constantly talked about self care, and making time for date nights, but then something comes up. There was just never time.
We took this conversation as an opportunity to work on us. Next week, I will be sharing the tips to save your marriage that we have put into play. We are a month in and it already has been a world of difference. We are all happier. Not just him and I, but the girls as well.
So, today you will see the mission of The Fashionista Momma has changed. It will still be fashion and beauty focused, but my mission is to create a better place to support one another. Build a community focused on self care, not just a physical appearance, but the way you feel. I will share fashion, health and beauty tips to build your confidence and find your own sense of style. There will be parties, to bring friends together, travel tips to help you create family memories and educate your children beyond the classroom, and finally, more relationship and parenting tips. Everything you need to feel confident, beautiful and balanced.